i hurt.

a sudden message just hurt me.

the follow three weeks i kept thinking alot.
i really dono what should i do.
i dono what you want.
i dono you still love me mahs?
i donoe there is a chance for patch mahs?
i donoe is this the end to our relationship?
but i know, i still love you de.

is break up really the best way to solve the problem?.
no, i don think so.
it just a way for you to ran away.
you don want to face it and solve.

when i at china, before the time you break with me.
i said to myself "this time after i go back, and this six week of seperation. he must be very busy lehs. i will treasure him more, will treat him more better, wont give him attitude lehs, wont so stick to him le, will give him time for his own thing."
i really thinking all those thing.
i know after i go back you will be very busy.
but yet, it seem that i no chance to do all this thing.
because you don even give me chance.
why?.
i plead you in the phone.
i told you my way.
i said, you no time to for me is alright de, i wont mind. i will wait for you de. you got time then you meet me, if don have, its really okie. i wont complain de.
i will wait patiently. i wont go disturb you de.
why. why? why you don want to give me chance.

just because you no time for me, you want break up.
this canot be the reason for break up you know.
you see yiting and ron.
Ron go NS , he also no time for ting, did you see he want break up?
almost everyone get stunned when they know you break me..

this six week really change me alot you know.
well, i know i too stick to you before i went china.
but when i at china, i found out that even we never meet.
it still okay de.
my love for you wont fade away de.
i can change for you de..
i will not alway ask for meeting de..
i can be very quiet when i with you..
i wont stick to you so much de..
but i don have chance to do this.
i really will change for you de...

our relationship had alway been so good and sweet.
this eight month we didnt even quarral or what.
then just very sudden, you want break up.
imagine, the couples go out happily, laugh laugh, hughug, kisskiss
then next day, the boy suddenly said let break up.
you said lah, what is your feeling?.
just out of sudden.
i really cant accept you know.
why you just want to destroy this relationship.
you use so many effort to just with me.
yet because of one sentence, you no time for me. you break this relationship.
the last time we onphone. you said still love me de.
but i kept thinking, did you really still love me?.

the thing you did just hurt me deeply.
i saw your friendster in the china.
you delet all the photos, you put me away in the feature friend, you even delet all the testi i send you.
maybe to other pple seem a small matter.
but to me, i just hurt deeply.
you said if we break, you treat me as very very best friend, but you don even put me in feature friends, this shown that i no even important to you anymore lehs.
you delet the photo. all the memorise we have, you just delet away.
you even delet the testi, all the testi, every words i write by my hearts, yet you delet away just like this....
you know how sad i go when i see this...
i suddenly feel that i dono who are you already lehs.
you seem very stranger to me.
i hate it you know.

i ask you, will you break with me one day?.
you said it impossible.
i told you that last time ben and ting together, ting also ask her said qn. ben also said it impossible. inthend le, they still break.
you replied that you not the same with him, you even tease him.
you still bet with me that you wont be the one who ask for break up.
the expression you give last time is so confident, that i trust you so much...
then now le. you break with me.
now ron teasing you le.
ron think this reason is unacceptable, not even ron, still got alot of pple.
see, outsider even think it is unacceptable reason, you think i able to accept?
i just cant accept.
you just hurt me alot.

during the phone time.
you said you will guilty if i wait for you..
then you tell me, will you feel guilty if you hurt me?.
all the reason you give me is just cant acceptable.
i cry everynight. although you not really breaking up with me, i still very hurt.
i thought that you will wait unil i come back from china then dicuss with me.
that out of sudden, you just send me a msg and said let break up.
i just very stunned.
you msg me that mean your mind is alrdy set.
you break with me while i at china. so that i cant do anything anymore.
you just very cruel you know.

in the phone, you said i selfish, don want to let go of you.
you said iloveyou , should let you happy.
you know, i cant bear to let go you.
you wrong, i love to see you happy.
you know, whenever i saw your smile, see you laugh.
i really very blessed to see you being happy.

fine. now you break up le. you happy le..
but you only want yourself to happy, then what abt me?
you don care abt my feeling mahs?
then you tell me, are you selfish?

you promise me alot of thing.
yet those promises became empty promise one by one.

you said actually during my Olvl times you want break with me lehs.
but you scare that i wont concentrate on my Os.
fine.
then why before the time i go china.
you still can give me feeling that you still want to be with me.
you know, i kept feeling that maybe after i come back from China, you wont be by my side anymore.
i told you, yet you said its impossible, you still will with me.
but yet now...?
i trust you again.
all i get is just disappointed, hurt and saddness.

you promise that, even we break or not, you still will come and fetch me from the airport.
but sign.
i know you wont come de, yet i still carried a little bit of hope.
but .. i disappointed again.

i really love you alot..
because you treat me really good, you never once shouted or fierce me.
know why we never quarral bef0re.
because of you, everytime i give attitude, you will not angry de. you will cheer me up, and even forgive me.
you really very good.
i feel that you the nicest boy that i ever met.
your passionate in doing thing make me fall in love with you more.
your passionate when you singing, when you chasing me, when you study.
alot of pple think that you look like joker or what.
but i don think so.
because when you doing thing, you really very serious in it.....
and from the starting of this year when i know you.
you send me home everyday without failed.
you really very sweet to me.
during my night studies. you even cycle me home .
seeing the sweat on you. i really very touched you know.
i love you..
the good you treat me canot be describe le.

but i dream also cant dream that you will break with me.
i know you busy with your guitar and singing, and don have time with me.
but i really don mind..
why, you don believe in me.
i thought you will alway by my side de.
but now, i just feel that i just wake up from a sweet dream.
everything just disappear very suddenly.

last time on phone.
you ask me give you two or three months.
then you will come and find me.
but will you really do so?..
the message you send me seem that you forever don want to be with me alrdy leh..

i really hope this is not the end of the relationship..
you ask me find other boy better than you.
i don want you know.
no one can replace you..
i just love you..

i dono what is your feeling when you ask for break up.
the feeling you give me as though that this relationship is none of your business.
but i really dono..

the first thing i come back is to delet photo.
i really don want to delet.
but since you delet alrdy, no point for me to keep those photo..
every photo i delet, my heart just break.
every memories we have.
every picture is full of love.
yet i have to delet away..

i message you during china.. yet you never reply me,
i knew it.
but i really dono what you want.
i only can cry and anyhow think...

you said even we be friends, i still can ask you out.
since we can go out out if we are friends.
why cant we continues to be stead.
is like infornt of you is the person you love.
yet you can hold his hand, canot hug hug, kisskiss..
i really don want..

during the time we still together.
you everytime said that i give attitude.
but you know, i don have.
just that never talk, you said i attitude you.
you wrong.
prehaps, that i never talk to you what in my hearts.
during this relationship.
i seldom told you what i hate, what i dislike or what i not satisfied.
that why sometimes i keep slient you also dono why..
but sign.
it just past, no point for me to said the reason..

but i dono want this relationship to be the past.
i want it to be continue..

you never tell me what your ans..
but neverminds.

i still will wait for you de.
i hope for a patch one day..
no matter how deep you hurt me...
even though there is scar in my heart.
but i still love you de.

you know.. i really love you alot.
nothing can describe my love for you..